Travels With An Airhead

The Presidency

— by Notch Miyake

It is time to reflect on the impact of the Bush administration on motorcycling.

As everyone knows, George "The Chair" Bush (AKA "Junior" or "The Kid") stole the election by getting his brother in Florida to use extra-thick voting cards in the key democratic districts. He knew those old farts couldn't push the buttons hard enough, resulting in dimples and hanging chads.

In the districts where there were younger, and presumably stronger, voters, Brother Bush resorted to the simple tactic of putting Pat Buchanan's name opposite Gore's. This worked particularly well in liberal Jewish districts, which Buchanan carried easily.

As Daddy Bush said, "A vote for Buchanan is a vote for Bush as long as they were going to vote for Gore." Daddy is well known for his insightful logic, as demonstrated during his term in office.

Now, I don't object to Junior's policies like tax relief for the wealthy, elimination of support for public schools and wiping out Social Security and Medicare. I just don't want to look at his dumb grin all the time, like he just pulled the switch on another poor bastard in Texas.

Too bad the White House will no longer swing like the good old days. Junior doesn't even play the ukulele, much less the saxophone. And I hear they are even taking the condom machines out of the White House bathrooms.

This will have a serious impact on foreign policy since other heads of state will be less anxious to come over for summit meetings. Look, would you rather be invited to a Euchre party at the White House with Junior and the Mrs, or Bill and Monica?

The economy is reacting to this situation by having a recession. But The Kid has already met with the high-tech industry leaders and assured them that he would cut their taxes enough to make up for their stock market losses.

So what does all this mean for motorcyclists? Well, Junior's position on deregulation almost guarantees he will veto any kind of national helmet law. Good for the Harley guys, bad for the MSF guys.

The recession will bring down the price of most motorcycles, but the weakening dollar will increase BMW prices. Good for everybody but us.

The Kid will let them drill for oil in pristine wilderness areas, since nobody goes there anyway. The gas-guzzlers will have plenty of fuel. We will continue to get what's left over. Dumb.

We won't have any great Monica jokes to tell at the Rally. Depressing.

But at least we no longer run the risk of being connected in series to a 220-volt circuit if we get caught speeding in Texas.

Not that we ever speed in Texas.

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